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San Francisco! [30 Jan 2006|08:49pm]
We have finally decided what we are doing...at the end of May we are moving to SAN FRANCISCO. I am beyond excited about this. Granted we have nowhere to live or work as of this moment, we are finally set in where we are going and this is what I wanted, so I have something to make leaving the comfort of my little Queer existance in Syracuse a little more happy.

Now on to finding a place to live and a job to have...
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[01 Jun 2005|11:09am]
Im at work and oh so bored so I figured I would write an entry to make myself feel as though I am accomplishing a task during these 3 hours. Everything has been going well. Alyson and I are 8 months and counting, it is great to have a fit like that with you and in your life at all times.

Things were rough for a while Alyson's dad passed away unexpectedly at 54 so we have both been healing from that which is not an easy process at all. Her father was such an amazing person that it is hard to face the fact that he will no longer be here to share that with us, obviously she and her family are the ones who have the real healing to do, so I have just been here trying to support her in that.

City Hall has been going well, I got bumped up to campaign mananger, well kinda...one of three so I am crazy excited for the experiences that will bring with it. I am heading to Vegas for 11 days which I am quite excited about. The pool, weather, random family moments and a chance to get away is more and more appealing everyday. Anyways I have to go handle some Queer men who feel that they are owed more money than we agreed to pay them but have no fear this summer seems to hold the possibility for many many entries to come.
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IPOD induced euphoria [07 Jan 2005|11:41pm]
It has been a while since I have updated, mainly because I have been so busy and things have been going really well for me. Alyson and I just celebrated our 3 month anniversary and I am so glad I have her.
Over the summer it looks like I might be organizing grassroot networks in homophobic/low income areas and through those networks I would help to set up LGBT centers...I pray to God that I get accepted for this internship, it is my dream job. Getting paid to fight ignorance and hate seems too good to be true.
Besides school and the internship application process mixed with an amazing relationship things have been pretty calm, I have just been sitting back and trying to pin point when and why I let immaturity run my life for so long. I am not claiming that being 20 puts me at the prime in my maturity cycle, however I feel that I have grown a lot this year and I have started to figure out who exactly I am...in the process developing some interesting hair styles. Since I am clearly self obsessed I feel that it is only appropriate to end this giant non-sensicle type entry with some pics I took today...close your eyes the contrast might blind ya.n Oh just a note...while at home I have to sleep in my little sisters room...although I would love to take credit for the montage of teen idols...I sadly cannot claim the fame of having Hillary and Kelly on my wall :( OH and my lj cut isn't working so SORRY FOR THE HUGENESS

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[25 Oct 2004|01:01pm]
SO I think it has been about forever since I updated this thing. Things in my life have been going pretty amazingly for the time being *knocks on wood*. I have an amazing girlfriend who I am completely and totally in love with. Work is great and I am actually afecting things and saturday went perfectly. I helped to organize an LGBT Studies Conference here at Syracuse University so we had like hella important people speaking and attending sessions ect. AND I got to be swanky and sophisticated at this cocktail party for the conference and I felt cool. Saturday night was Doria where she pulled me on stage and made me sing with her and besides that we chilled for a while and she told me we should all hang out at the NGLTF conference which made my life complete.
Things are just seemingly great. Le Tigre is on sunday and I totally get to be in New York City with Alyson (my girlfriend)and other awesome people and I get to see hot chicks rock out, so yea if anyone will be there let me know...and if your not going and you are near NYC you should be there.
Anyways I am at work so I better get back to that but yea I am glad that I finally have amazing shit to write about.
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Vicodin anyone? [05 Sep 2004|01:04am]
SO I was at the big LGBT picnic talking to this amazingly hot girl when all the sudden I decided to grab my friends rainbow flag...WELL she proceeded to chase me after which I fell (on some mud and wet grass) and I dislocated my knee...AGAIN. Needless to say my face was bright red from the immense pain and hot girl along with my boss had to literally carry me inside and then call an ambulence because my knee was so swollen that the Public Safety officer that came to write the report insisted that I needed an ambulance and that no one else could drive me besides professionals. MORTIFIED I literally was carried out on a stretcher with everyone looking at me like "OMG she is going to die"...ahhhh. What annoys me is this has happened like 3 times before, I ended up getting this surgery which was supposed to fix everything, I got it twice (once on both knees) went through all this PT and pain and everything and 2 years later my knee is back to square one.
After a long hospital visit and lots of drugs, some of which I got to take home which explains this random entry I am sitting on my couch in agony with a knee immobilizer that kind of smells waiting for Lauren to chofer me around. Fucking ehy I have the worst luck in the entire world. Anyways wednesday I have to go see the orthopedic surgeon guy who will tell me if I tore any ligiments and/or tendons which is what that doctor thinks happened, I disagree but whatever. If I did tear something (which I didn't) I am going to need yet another surgery and all this comes when my work load is starting to increase drastically.
The plus side to all this is that the school is SO scared that I am going to sue that they are kissing my ass, tons of people have called me who are awesome and make me feel better and also I get workers comp so for 3 weeks I dont work and I get paid...so I suppose there is a silver lining after all.
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mmmmmmm MULLETS [27 Aug 2004|12:12pm]
YAY! I haven't updated in forever but finally I am unbelievably happy. I am back in Syracuse, my apartment is amazing and somehow I have managed to be completely sober for only 12 hours since I have been here. I am finally over Robyn which feels amazing. Somehow I feel us drifting apart and I am not sure how I feel about that, but she needs to live her life and I need to live mine, if I run into her sometime then thats the way it is meant to be.
I met this amazing girl who I am completely into, but we will see how and if that works out. Yesterday at the club there was this hot hot tattooed, gauged amazing looking girl who asked for my number, which made me feel TEN times better about myself, I am totally busted, but now I am busted WITH some hot girl having my number.
The State Fair is tonight so I am all ready to go mullet hunting and to see some hawt farmer tans. It is supposidly gay night or something so clearly I am obligated to go. I feel as though a road trip to New Paltz might be in the workings, all I hear is raves about that place and my friends are begging me to go so we'll see what happens with that.
Anyways I am rambling I am just so fucking happy, I haven't felt this at peace and whole in years and years...so YAY.
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[15 Jul 2004|03:09pm]
I feel the need to update my friends list since there are like 3 people on it who are utterly idiotic. I hate when people write things that make no sense and also have no truth to them...GET A FUCKING GRIP ON REALITY. Yea for real what the fuck?
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Fatness and Spency [12 Jul 2004|02:42pm]
Low carb mania is really really getting to me. With the risk of sounding slightly...slightly bitter what the fuck America? Honestly what the fuck. Everyone I know is jumping on the low carb cart and it is ridiculous. They are actually developing low-carb wheat...who does that...its fucking wheat it's purpose is to be a carb. Maybe this anger is stemming from the fact that even if I wasn;t broke this summer and carbs weren't the cheapest shit to buy I would still be addicted to them. I dont eat meat, I dont eat eggs because they are nasty what the hell else would I live on?
The boiling point of this whole thing came when I went to Applebee's for about the 8th time this week. When I ordered cheese sticks the waitress was like "oh that is the first carb order all day...sure you want them" YO BITCH thanks for clearing up the fact that breaded cheese has carbs, you know it was SO the carbs making me not want to eat the damn sticks, not the 1000 grams of fat and oil and grease, nope it was the net carbs. Thank God she cleared that up for me so that I might be able to scratch the cheese sticks and go for...hmmm maybe a vat of bacon fried about 600 times, that seems much more healthy to me, what would I do without Mr. Atkins?

p.s. As per request here is Spencer in all his glory...he's a ham...a tart actually...

he likes to sleep smushed up against the cage so he looks dead...yea I dont know the boy has abandonment issues.

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Awwww damn [02 Jul 2004|10:33am]
Oh lesbian drama. SO NYC Pride was amazing, this girl that I have known for a while was there and she ended up spending like 70 bucks on alcohol for me..which made for an extremely intoxicated Jen. After falling on a cop and randomly making out with people I decided I needed to go home, she came with me and we talked for a while and then just went to bed...literally just slept. SO whatever I drove her to LI the next morning and we talked more and I mean she was bitching about her ex (who I have been obssessed with for about 5 years) and was saying how she was devestated and I was all like "I will SO beat her up"--which meant I would SO have sex with her. Anyways I was kind of bitchy at the end of the drive so I decided to go into her store and appologize, however her ex was there and I ended up talking to her for like 2 hours and she gave me her number, I gave her mine ect. I really like this girl, I have for a long time and I feel horrible that I might have upset the girl from Pride (she was acting sketch when I was there) but I am not wrong right? I have no obligation or loyalty to either one, and going for the girl I really like seems logical...I think. Anyways yea thanks for enduring this rant.

peace in the middle....yo
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Doria en mi telefono [24 Jun 2004|08:27pm]
SO I get home from this horrible stress filled, dyke-drama saturated 3 days and what do I find? OH that's right there is a message from Doria Roberts...YEA DORIA fucking ROBERTS. I almost wet myself I was so so so happy. Anyways it made me happy. I think I need to go to sleep, it's been like 3 days, but NO I am going to go out and drink/eat like an idiot. Anyways how is everyone...no for real comment and tell me because it has been about 100 years since I have been on this thing. More to come later, but for now it is time to eat, drink and be hella gay Brooklyn style.

Tah Tah for now
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[14 Jun 2004|05:56pm]
SO I am not in Brooklyn living like a po' fool. It is cool being able to come home and know that 4 people will soon be on top of me, it's reassuring. We only get like 7 channels, but Kill Bill and Gia are filling the void. Anyways just updating to let you know that I am not dead or anything...just stalking hot girls that look like they MIGHT be scenish or interesting. So have a good day guys!

p.s. I need some ass more then ever ever ever before...just letting ya'll know
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[07 Jun 2004|11:39pm]
EYE DROPS ARE THE DEVIL. When I was a baby my mom was all strung out and my dad was at work...so left unwatched I managed to crawl under my playpen and get crushed by the bar. I was under there for about 5 min when my mom found me and pulled me out...unfortunately the entire side of my face got crushed and paralyzed. SO there in started the trauma of my face. I developed a "paulsy" thing (it's SO not something to laught at...but I do because it is funny) and I had something like 8 surgeries before I was one...nothing worked. I am even in the Harvard Medical Journal because my nerves gave off no responce to electrical stimulation...which is supposidly the only case of that ever...I am techincally not supposed to be able to talk and my face should be halfway to the floor.
My parents kind of gave up until I was 6 and I went to a chiropractor...all the sudden her work was starting to have results and she got me to look completely normal...her and a few more surgeries. Anyways when all was said and done the dead nerves grew back, but they grew to my mouth and not my eye...like normal people...so I kinda wink when I talk sometimes...something no one notices but I do and I never smile because of it...my mouth and my eye are like 98%, but the 2% kills me...I used to get made fun of for it so now I just dont like smiling and blah blah blah...Robyn didn't even notice until I told her. ANyways THE POINT OF ALL THIS...until a week ago I figured there was no damage done besides the eye weirdness, however my right eye doesn't blink all of the way...which causes my eye to have no tears which means that when I blink I scratch my eye. I have lost some vision in my right eye but I never thought it was that, I figured I just had blurred vision...so the eye doctor gave me these milky eye drops that I need to use all the time...twice a day forever but I always miss the one at night. I always seem to fall asleep on my couch and always miss the night drops...which I am thinking is a bad thing, plus I never wear the glasses she gave me to wear all the time. I guess I am just a lazy bitch, but I mean I am worried about losing all my vision in that eye..ahhhh I suppose this was a senseless post considering that solution is jhust to put them in before I go downstairs, but it has been on my mind so I figured I would post it...alright well thanks for reading that pointless story...:-D
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Cookies make me fat [07 Jun 2004|11:35pm]
I have actually had an OK day. Robyn and I started talking and there was no weirdness, it was like nothing had happened, well I mean that isn't saying that she still isn't hurt and that I am not left feeling like an ass, but still we just have amazingly amazing conversations. Unfortunately the living arrangement is still not settled, which makes me want to die in a firery mess, but I am going to ease off her and pray that it works out.
I am kinda pissed because well Sara has no money, and no way of getting to Brooklyn, so that means I have to get her from Oriskany which is about 5 hours away, right after I fly from 11:40pm this time to 7am NY time...yea AMAZING. The only good thing is that I would get to see Robyn, but I mean I am seeing her for Pride anyway...so I dont know.
Anyways that's it for now...

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[05 Jun 2004|10:59am]
I just dont know at this point. I didn't want to leave for Brooklyn with her mad at me but I guess I don't really have a choice. I was so so so sick last night, I think I threw up for about 14 hours and in a way I think it is a good thing. I deserved it, I completely made the one person that I love most despise me. There is an internet thing in the apartment but I just dont even want to go on. I might IM her and I am trying not to.
If she doesn't live with us I dont know what I am going to do, she is avoiding me as much as she can and it is killing me. I thought maybe I would get to see Harry Potter last night, maybe that would make me stop hating myself but Stacy stood my up like usual, no call no nothing. It only made me feel worse and then on top of that I got sick. Knowing that she is out with Shawn and her friends and that she is laughing with them and they are laughing with her kills me. They get the one person I want. I spoke to everyone and it is on me to try and get her to stay in the apartment, if we lose her we lose the only good thing in that place. If you read this I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable by posting any of this I just honestly dont have any other way to just vent, my friends aren't my real friends, without you there is no one to talk to. I miss you more than you will ever know and I hope you come back into my life soon. Without you I have nothing left.
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[03 Jun 2004|12:53pm]
Everything in my life is just ending. Robyn won't live with us next year so now someone else will take her spot and I cant live with that. I dont even know if I am going back to school if things dont work out with her. I have never felt this sad in my entire life. I am beyond suicidal I am just dead already. She hates me and has cut me out of her life completely. I am nothing without her, I lost her for good. Telling Lauren Becca and Sara that I am out shouldn't be that hard since I prohbably wont be there to deal with them hating me. Kathy asked me if I was ok and I just freaked out and started crying. She seems to think Robyn will forgive me but she won't and I know that, it doesn't matter what anyone says she wants me dead, she doesn't give a shit what happens to me. I stupidly thought I could be friends with her but seeing her moving on killed me and this is absolutely destroying me. I dont know how much I will be posting after this, I just dont think I can go on with her like this. For now...bye guys
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[02 Jun 2004|05:29pm]
I fucked up worse than I ever have, my whole life is over. She is everything to me, I have nothing without her. I snapped, lost it completely, I cemented our fate. If you read this I am fucking dying inside without you, I fucked up so fucking bad baby and I know that. Nothing will ever make up what I did to you, I dont deserve you now and I never did. There is no life left in me, there will never be again
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[01 Jun 2004|07:47pm]
My tanning obsession finally caught up with me. Vegas sun is much stronger than NY sun AND since I have been tanning outside in my pool everyday for like 4 hours a day...FOR 3 WEEKS...yea I am stupid. Anyways today I came in and my face was so burnt, it hurts SO bad, so now I am probably going to have to sit around in my house like a loser tomorrow. I just love being outside, I hate sitting around, it is probably my horrible ADD. Anyways I thought I would warn you all...dont be stupid and sit out for eternity...you will get burned!

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Glasses and my new Boyfriend Mario [28 May 2004|12:46pm]
I finally got glasses so now I can see people..however I hate them. I would show ya'll them but the USB is still gone. I need to just buy a new camera. Anyways they are black and small and emoesque which is funny because I am the furthest thing from emo *writes in journal about crying and feeing*. I dont know with the growing my hair out and the new glasses I am a girl...this is not good. I was always feminine acting but now I REALLY look the part...identity crisis HERE I COME. Anyways when I get a camera I will show you all how girly and preppy they really do make me look, but I can see so whatever.
On to more exciting news...I FOUND A SUPER NINTENDO and I am going to buy it! Now instead of spending hours online I can go and play Super Mario Brothers for hours on end. I am very very excited about Mario and I reuniting for hours of passionate game playing...AND I AM DONE. Anyways hope ya'll are having a good day!
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[27 May 2004|04:35pm]
At 2:37 I had the absolute best nectarine I have ever had in my life...I wanted you all to know how amazingly happy it made me. It was kind of like sex in a fruit, it made my week :-D
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i'm a cow....moo and such [25 May 2004|08:38pm]
UH I was losing weight and THEN I gained some back...I think. I just ate a lot and I want to die :( HELL yea to male perpetuated images of beauty. Anyways I was in Brooklyn looking at my apartment a little while back and I took this picture of me and Justin which I kinda liked...so here it is.

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